“All of this…is right.”
Hello again! I hope that 2021 has been treating y’all well as we close out the first month already. How time flies! Again, life at the Finca feels like a dream most of the time. Just the other day I was on a phone call with a friend and I said, “Even though I have been at the Finca for almost 4 months, it still feels like a dream. I wake up every morning and say to myself, ‘I am in Honduras. I am a missionary here. I don’t know how I got here. There are geckos everywhere. We are trying to catch our 4th rat in the past 4 months and…’” My friend nodded and said, “All of this…is right.” I was very taken aback by that statement and said, “What?” She said, “This makes me so happy.” All I could say in response was, “Thanks.”
It was kind of half-hearted but only because it made me really think about what she had just said: “All of this…is right.” How could it be right? I have been in Honduras for 1/3 of a year and it still feels foreign to me. I feel like my life here has been weirdly on pause for awhile especially because of the hurricanes and COVID outbreak that we experienced during my 2nd and 3rd months here. It feels like there is no point in getting a routine in place because everything is in constant transition anyways and no week ever looks the same as the last. And, on top of that, school hasn’t even started which means that my main roles have not officially started. All is to say that everything does NOT feel “right.” Yet, I had to take a step back and think about it better.
I started thinking about all the ways in which I have seen the Lord working in my life in both the small and big ways. Though my life still feels like it is on pause while we’re transitioning into a new school year, I have been able to invest a lot of time into my relationships with kids and also with my missionary community. Before coming to the Finca, one of my greatest desires was to be available to those around me, really get to know and serve them, and to love them well. Sometimes when I am doing something uncomfortable and maybe gross like trying to kill the rat in our trash can, I start to question why I committed to this sort of life in a place far far away from home and comfort. I start to have doubts as to whether the Lord really called me to this mission and if I am doing what He wants me to do. But then there are other times when I get to run out in the rain with one of the kids and not have a care in the world or when my roommates wake me up on my birthday at midnight just to say “Happy Birthday!” and play a round of Rummikub. Or when I get to cook dinner with my roommate and try to fix the mac & cheese that I definitely messed up because #norealmilk. Or when I get to have a drawing competition with some of the boys that I am taking care of. That is when I know that all of it “is right.”
At the beginning of the month, all of us missionaries got to go on a 4-day retreat where the theme was HOPE. It seemed fitting to start off the new year with a retreat that focused on hope in the Lord as well as any dreams that we have for our time at the Finca as missionaries. For me, my dreams for the year were not all that practical. They were things like being more brave or reflecting Jesus better, but my biggest dream for the year was to know others and to be known. Even before coming to the Finca that was my dream and it is a desire that the Lord has shown me time and time again that He wants to fulfill through little things that happen in my day-to-day life.
Jesus especially showed me His love for me and that He wanted to fulfill my desires to be loved and known on my birthday. As I briefly mentioned above, my roommates, Britney and Megan, woke me up at midnight on my birthday to play a round of Rummikub (which I lost to Britney), however the whole community did a lot to show me that they loved and cared for me. When I woke up in the morning, I was surprised with a card that had a drawing of a margarita on the front (which if you know, you know ;p) signed by all the missionaries and with some videos that Kelsey had arranged for my family to send to me as a surprise. Megan had also woken up early just so that she could expose Jesus for me and I could do a Holy Hour before starting all my events for the day. Since my birthday was on a Wednesday, we had Communion Service as the whole Finca community and I got to receive Jesus which is a huge blessing since we do not have Communion Services every day. After service was over, the whole community sang Las Mañanitas to me. Later in the day, so many of the kids came up to me to give me hugs and wish me a happy birthday. Still that was not all. We missionaries got to walk to TBay, where we had quarantined when we first arrived in Honduras, and eat lunch there and I got to share 23 facts that none of them knew about me since that is a missionary tradition. Also, one of my desires for the past month and a half or so was to have homemade pizza and for dinner that’s what I got. Though there was nothing super fancy about the day, it was a day in which I felt very loved by my community and I knew that Jesus was very present throughout my day.
I’ve said this before, but the small moments are the moments that I cherish the most and the ones that make me know that being a missionary here is worth it. There is no other way to explain it in my mind. Because in my head, being here in Honduras away from the only life I’ve ever known does not make sense unless there is a greater purpose to it all. I am very convicted of the fact that Jesus has brought me here and that He is using my time here to grow in a deeper love for Him but also to help me know of the gifts and talents that He has given me in order to love and serve His children whether they be the kids who reside at the Finca, the house parents that take care of them, the Franciscan sisters, or my fellow missionaries. Yes, there are times when things do not feel right and when it is hard to go to large community events (especially when you’re an introvert like me), but then I think of why I am here and it is right.
In these past couple of weeks, we have been a bit busier than in the past 3 months since school is starting up again in this upcoming week. We have been going to some teacher training and cleaning out the school since there have not been so many students since last March when COVID first broke out. With COVID still being very prevalent in the world, we are working on having a semi-present school environment where half the kids come to school on Monday, Wednesday, Friday and the other half comes on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and hopefully reducing the risk of anyone acquiring the virus. Though I was initially supposed to teach 3rd grade English, the school is currently not having that as a class because they want to focus on the main subjects: Math, Spanish, History, and Science. Though I will not be teaching English for the time being, there is likely to be a need for two math and science teachers which Georgi and I will most likely be splitting. We were not expecting to take on these roles at the school, however, I am very excited to start working at the school and hopefully interacting with kids outside of the Finca as well as continuing to form my relationships with the kids that reside at the Finca. It will be a weird transition for all of us as a whole community. Everything from morning prayer now starting at 5:45am to our daily schedules will be changing. I ask you all to keep us in your prayers during this time of transition for us and to continue praying for me as I fully transition into all of my roles here. Please know that you are all in my prayers as well and that I miss you all.
Paz y bien,
Alicia
Here are Kelsey, Britney and I after a yummy lunch at TBay on my 23rd birthday.
